Bank Heist Humor Gifts

Learner driver conned into being a getaway driver

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'With every 'Ying' there's a 'Yang'!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

Bank (with saloon type doors)

"Keep it running."

Harvest Data Festival

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

"I think I finally understand inflation."

"Ah, what you need is our instant access account"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

"Use the sanitising gel provided and hand over your cash."

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?

"Hold everything, Louis!"

'Well, you're the psychic. Why don't you tell me if I'm going to give you any money?'

Pied Piper luring money from the bank.

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

'Hi man, I'd like to open a joint account...'

"He wants to rent a safe deposit box for the winter."

"Have you fixed up the wheels for the bank job tonight, fingers?"

'This is a money order.'