Bank Heist Humor Gifts

Learner driver conned into being a getaway driver

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

"Keep it running."

Harvest Data Festival

Bank (with saloon type doors)

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'With every 'Ying' there's a 'Yang'!'

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"I think I finally understand inflation."

"Ah, what you need is our instant access account"

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

"Hold everything, Louis!"

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

"Use the sanitising gel provided and hand over your cash."

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

'Well, you're the psychic. Why don't you tell me if I'm going to give you any money?'

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

Pied Piper luring money from the bank.

'Hi man, I'd like to open a joint account...'

"He wants to rent a safe deposit box for the winter."

'This is a money order.'