Bad Gardeners Club Gifts

"Declared Victory Garden"

What are you giving Mother Earth this year?

An Unexpected Guest.

Hardy Annuals

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

Growing Love

Shakespeare's Earliest Influences. To bean or not to bean ….. Ye Olde Limas. Jolly Goode Cukes. The Bees Peas.

Paving over the window-box

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Avoid Constant Borrowing

Dog sees venus fly trap catch a fly and copies it...

Mowing the Jungle

A Country Boy Throws a Turnip at the Squire.

Man watching a flower slowly wilt, and just as its about to die he waters it

'Mate, you've just paid two grand for a T-shirt and a hand-mower.'

'I believe you want some fencing done at the bottom of your garden?'

Gracie plants flowers and distracts boys with them while she plays soccer.

Garden Pest Solutions

Topiary By Numbers

Grub-skewer sandals.

Tree's tree nursery. I can redesign your yard. We specialize in eco-friendly landscapes. AS long as it looks like Versailles. French chateaus aren't usually considered natural landscaping. Their lawns are super green. We prefer using native plants and reducing lawns. But I want it to look regal. No problem. We call it "eco-pretentious." Tres Bien!

HELL'S TILLERS.

"You've just raided your last patch!"

I've discovered green fingers are of little help if you've got bad breath.

"Sod climbing it - I'm gonna smoke it...!"

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

"Should I fix it or should I call it a water feature?"

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.