Bacteria Buff Gifts

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

Man with tiny net peers through microscope.

Bacterial Cultural Center

'It's a deal. You don't infect me, and I don't infect you.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

"What the heck!! These cells aren't dividing, they seem to be moving closer together??"

Who needs Facebook friends when you've got billions of friendly gut bacteria?

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

"Bacteria are fascinating. They multiply by dividing."

"Back in Great, Great. . . Grandad's day there was more than enough sunlight for everybody. . ."

"Uh-Oh!"

"Don't give him air- he's anaerobic!"

'It's a deal. You don't infect me, and I don't infect you.'

Flan-eating bacteria

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

"It was a revelation. What I thought was salmonella was really E.coli, and what I though was E.coli was really salmonella."

"There's 20 billion of us crammed into our capsule world, who's for burrowing south to freedom?"

"I'm going to get you fired."

"So is flesh-eating bacteria the good kind of bacteria or the bad kind?"

Prize vegetables.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

Plant Lady

Garden Goddess.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

Hermit Crabapple Tree

TSA Noah

Wordplay: Gastropod.

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.