Botanical Buff Gifts

Talk to your plants. But if you really want results, bring in a motivational speaker.

I can never tell the plants from the weeds! Pull them all up and the ones that grow again are the weeds!

Annuals - Perennials - Eternals

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

Sheds

'My real name is Bellis Perennis, but you can call me Daisy!'

"You could at least look at me when I'm talking to you"

He had a good fern handshake.

Gardening.

"They are very realistic, you would never guess that they were rubber."

"I just gave you some water 20 minutes ago"

'Why is it you carnations get the weddings and we lillies get the funerals!'

Bonsai trees.

Flower shows and weed shows.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Lackadaisical

You can't be too Kew!

A Thirsty Flower

Poinsettia

Florist

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

The prudish daisy: 'Get away! No pollen here!'

Nursery keeps wildflowers in cages.

Florist "Say it with cacti"

'Yes, I love you, but my family would disown me if I cross-pollinated with a weed, so our relationship must end.'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

You can take the man out of Kew...

Flytrap nerd.

It was official. She had finally turned into her mum.

heavy plant crossing

'Wouldn't it be easier just to go outside once-in-a-while?'

"Look—I appreciate your talking to me, and I know you mean well, but you're boring."

Hope of spring.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.