Backyard Magician T-Shirts

Organic Beans

'Why doesn't everybody build rockeries using polystyrene rocks?'

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

"I'm watching the dog cheat at solitaire."

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

'Quit clowning about, Fred.'

Lazy plumber.

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Dolphin tricks.

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

Beer Garden Kit

'This guy's FAST!'

Ceiling painter with an umbrella.

Woman shops while man sets up noose. "Do I go with bright white, deep white...."

'For heaven's sake Janet - where have you disappeared to now?'

'I don't see how this roller thing helps. . .'

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VII

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

Gardening for Beginners

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

'Could you take me through it once more? From the moment you said you couldn't pay the witch doctor's fee.'

'They hired me to work on a ceramic engine.'

Right, just off to the east field to muck spread!

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

Dave always likes to amuse himself by accusing the sausages of heresy before he throws them on the fire!

Gardener's Calendar: January - Look for some out-of-the-way corner and start your compost heap.

Strimmer (weed whacker) starts to lift off.

Carpenter