Backyard Comic Gifts

"I laid new sod on my front lawn and a German Shepherd pooped on it. Then his dog showed up."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"This never happened."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

I fart more than that!

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Better Gnomes.

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

'He's in charge of out 'Lost-and-Buried' department.'

"I see Mom won't let you go to the lake again."

The Moo-Walk

Topiary: helping nature look her best

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

Farm Humor.

Gardening for Beginners

Dave always likes to amuse himself by accusing the sausages of heresy before he throws them on the fire!

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

'I happened to swallow a bottle of rogaine!'

'Looks like rain. I'm finishing for the day!'

Well, Barbara, you can teach me the difference between a weed and a flower all day long, but I can't guarantee my aim is all that accurate anyway.

"How is this such a great place to spot migrating whales? I don't see a thing."

'Who greased our slope?'

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

'You said you needed a bobcat to finish the yard.'

My mum was telling me they have some wild Christmas parties round here!

'That's my idea patch.'

"I love the way you've put your outfit together."

'Don't worry, ma. It's a controlled burn.'

Last bird bath for 100 yards.

Shooting Leaves

'So, basically, that's how you tip a cow.'

'Oh, look. It's the first sign of spring... Mr. Vivona outside in his underwear.'