Backyard Barber Gifts

Cut the lawn

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Hair Crop Circle

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

Don't mind us. We're just trying to eat more locally grown food.

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"Be creative...!"

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

"Absolutely not!"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

Lego Haircut

General Meade's Army, Near Culpepper - Shaving in Camp

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

Not you. Your hair.

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'That'll be four thousand and eighty pounds please'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

I cut my own hair — using a drone.

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"I'm cleaning a little already, because the cleaning lady will be here soon!"

Movember

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

Sheep In Curlers

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard