Back Scratching Aficionado Gifts

Scratch yer back $5

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Woman simutaneously playing the cello and washing man in bath's back

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

"Have you been scratching this?"

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

"Sorry Darling, I can't reach your itchy spot..."

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

Back scratcher

"Scribbidee-ze-sop, Boop bee boop zop, scribbida woo-woo zwee ©"

"Oh, yeah! A little to the right. . . down a bit. . . Ahhh!"

"Ooooohhhh, that feels so good. Now, down and a little to the right, please."

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

Warming up

Take it easy on the stretching exercises!

"You can keep asking, but I will not scratch your back!"

'I told you we were going to become rich with this T-Rex back scratching business.'

'We hope you don't mind, David is particular about his lumbar support.'

"Yes, you'll do it? Or yes, you wish I were dead?"

The Chiropractor - 'I've been looking forward to this all week!'

Jester with scratch cards. "I need to win some money to fund my arts project."

'Portnoy, in Lieu of a raise or bonus, I'm giving you these 'instant winner' lottery scratch-off card.'

'Bad back!'

"Eere Bert, I've got an itch just below the shoulder blade."

A footballer scores a goal with a back kick while goalie not paying attention.

"… Now a little to the left … that's it, honey, nice … mmm … OK, now get lost."

The problem with Scratch N Sniff lottery tickets.

'It wasn't MY fault - I was just being me, whereas you were being YOU!'

I can't solve this problem, I'm banging my head against a brick wall!

'Darling. Is that the sound of Bobby on his new scratch post, I can hear?'

'Ooh yeah, a little more to the left...'