Bachelor Banter Pillows

'I think the Spanish G.P.S voice sounds sexy.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'...Please stop the...'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Do you think we should get a pet?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Here comes Ted.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'Dang.'

'Dang! Six more hours.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

'Slow and hurl.'

'Remember, kids never over inflate your water wings.'

'I'm coping.'

"Living Alone - It's just plain fun!"

Bachelor Cake

'Let's see what's on the war channel...'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Tele-barketer.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."