Baby's First Spill Gifts

"His first out-of-body experience."

Madonna of the Pukes.

A young Don King

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Twenty-first century baby walker

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"He just said his first word!"

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'A is for Arse.'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

"They look so young and helpless."

Little chef.

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."