Baby's First Month Gifts

New Mothers and Priorities

"His first out-of-body experience."

A young Don King

"They grow up so fast."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

Twenty-first century baby walker

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

A Tit for Tat.

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'A is for Arse.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"They look so young and helpless."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Little chef.

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."