Baby's First Month Gifts

New Mothers and Priorities

"His first out-of-body experience."

"They grow up so fast."

Madonna of the Pukes.

A young Don King

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

Twenty-first century baby walker

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'She posted her first blog today.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

A Tit for Tat.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

'A is for Arse.'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"They look so young and helpless."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Little chef.

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."