Baby's First Birthday Gifts

'Dude, don't do it. Somewhere down the road it will lead to chores.'

"I didn't want anything. I just wanted to see how fast you could get here in case of an emergency!"

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

'Look dear, he wants his first upgrade.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"He's either got swamp fever, beri-beri or he's teething."

A mobile mobile.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I had no idea life could be so complicated."

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

'When you can hear the sound of one cheek pooing you will have learned, grasshopper...'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

Extra, Extra, Extra Absorbent Diapers.

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"I think this end is loaded."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"They think I don't have a clue."

Why it's called child-rearing.

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

Baby

"Is there a problem officer?"

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

Moms gone wild

Silencing the baby

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'