New Baby Birthday Gifts

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

"He likes it."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Feel free to take notes."

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'