New Baby Birthday Pillows

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

baby sweetcorn...

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"He likes it."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Feel free to take notes."

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'