Baby's First Winter Gifts

Chilly baby.

"His first out-of-body experience."

"They grow up so fast."

A young Don King

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Twenty-first century baby walker

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'A is for Arse.'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"They look so young and helpless."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

Little chef.

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

She doesn't like my song? All the kids LOVED it at Day Care!

'No creamed peas for me today!'