Baby Name Guru Gifts

"Not yet ANOTHER flippin' Aaron? How about his biblical brother, Moses?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'But what is the universe for?'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'ADN'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Health

OM, SWEET OM

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"Maybe we should consider changing the name."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Branding Consultant

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."