Awkward Practice Spot Lover Pillows

"Singing makes me self-conscious."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Bad Interview Technique

"You and your daft inventions."

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Spinach Dating.

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

"Let’s try another one. Jerry blinked, Kate’s giving Jon the finger, and Jess is choking."

A close encounter of the awkward kind

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

Ah-Choo!

Lion Toupee

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

"Michael. ... That's my sleazeball of an ex-husband's name."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

'Let's practice lobs again.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'