Awkward Moment Lover Pillows

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!

"But I never saw Jim happier than he was during various sex acts."

Yes, your eyes are like limpid pools, but there's such a thing as too much limpidity. Your eyes are so limpid, I can see your sinus cavities.

"Ew! This couch is still warm from the last guy."

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

'. . .and you're asking questions!! You're curious about me, too.'

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

Bad career move (Nice paunch, sir.)

"Someone give me a price on this denture fixative!!"

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"You and your daft inventions."

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."