Awkward Moment Enthusiasts Pillows

"I did have a question regarding your career history. Under 'Strengths,' you listed 'Never convicted.' Would you mind elaborating on that?"

'Nice to meet you. I brought that same dress, Carol, but don't wear it anymore cause it makes me look fat.'

"He's nice, but he won't leave."

Dating Disasters: It's your first date and it's Valentine's Day - "Mmm-mmm! These are some dang fine ribs. Ain't you gonna eat yers?"

'Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'.'

'I would invite you in, but...'

'I don't like the way that guy is looking at me.'

Homophobic for the holidays.

"Mum, Dad, where was I downloaded from?"

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"You and your daft inventions."

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."