Awkward Moment Enthusiasts Gifts

"I did have a question regarding your career history. Under 'Strengths,' you listed 'Never convicted.' Would you mind elaborating on that?"

'Nice to meet you. I brought that same dress, Carol, but don't wear it anymore cause it makes me look fat.'

"He's nice, but he won't leave."

Dating Disasters: It's your first date and it's Valentine's Day - "Mmm-mmm! These are some dang fine ribs. Ain't you gonna eat yers?"

'Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'.'

'I would invite you in, but...'

'I don't like the way that guy is looking at me.'

Homophobic for the holidays.

"Mum, Dad, where was I downloaded from?"

Showbiz Awards

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"You and your daft inventions."

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"