Awkward Moments Aficionado Gifts

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

Milt had a friend video all of his dates so he could see where he screwed up.

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

'Gerald's first and last visit to a lapdancing club.'

Suddenly, awkwardly, Andy realized he was snapping along to the funeral dirge.

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

Mel forgets to zip up his fanny pack before breakdancing.

"You and your daft inventions."

To: Baldo - going to movies with BF

"Gather 'round and I'll sing in a style that's just earnest enough to make you uncomfortable."

"Well then, are there any questions that you will dignify with a response?"

'Hi honey, take me off the speakerphone.'

A guy trying his best on a date...

Oh, look! Jim's having a 'I texted a VERY important message to the wrong person' moment.'

"Careful. Straw in drink is closer than it appears."

'I sort of guessed this was your first wine party, when you made reference to a 'herd of grapes'.'

"I hope you don't mind Dad, but I've brought home one of my old girlfriends."

'At some point this evening I'll probably say something highly insulting. Obnoxiousness is part of my genetic make up.'

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

Ted wasn't very good at small talk.

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

"According to this facial recognition software, the girl you didn't remember at last week's Happy Hour is 'Laura'."

PULL CORD IN CASE OF SUDDEN AWARENESS THAT THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU IS FACING YOU

"Sit down, Peter, you can't object at a funeral."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"Do you have a boyfriend?"