Awkward Moment Connoisseur Gifts

"If one of your ears were inside-out, would you want someone to tell you?"

"I'm Kevin, brought to you by the miracle of birth."

"You always show up at the WORST possible time!"

I realize I make a lousy first impression, but compared to my second impression, it's great.

'How's my Mother? Not too good - You're sitting on her!'

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"You and your daft inventions."

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

Speed Dating Disasters