Awkward Moment Appreciator Gifts

"Do you find it painful when I get funky?"

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

"At what point do you plan to acknowledge your incontinence?"

"On second thought, we'd be pleased to stay for dinner."

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."

"The Passive-Agressive Door-Holding Game:See if you can make an innocent stranger hurry from more than fifteen feet away while you hold the door."

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

Outingpatient

'Well, this is awkward.'

"Can I have another bottle of this stuff please? That bugger didn't touch the sides!"

'Can I tell you something personal about myself, Linda? Getting too personal makes me uneasy.'

'These awkward pauses are sooo embarrassing.'

"Thanks for having us and I'm really sorry about the cheese ball. Honestly, I didn't realise I was meant to share it."

"Just a heads-up...you have a piece of floss stuck to your foot."

A man has died while having a shower and has turned up in Heaven naked and not amused.

'Static cling like you wouldn't believe.'

Dog marking its territory on man's leg.

Showbiz Awards

'I'd feel like a hypocrite contributing to his farewell gift after firing him.'

I wish you'd stop playing hard to get...rid of!

Man throws a stick for his dog but the dog retrieves the man he accidentally hit.

'Sex may not be a taboo subject any more in most places, but it sure is in 'Show and Tell'!'

"Oh, it was cheap socks you were offering, my mistake."

'I'm here to replace your cistern. I hope I haven't come at an inconvenient time.'

An awkward moment at Seaworld.

'Would you care to join my brothers and me at our table? There are five mugs of beer to a pitcher, and five chicken wings to a basket, so it shouldn't cost you a lot of dough for a shot at meeting Mr. Right.'

'When did this date go down the toilet?'

Nudist Beach

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

'THAT'S your ringtone? - I'd like you to take me home now.'

"No you weren't disturbing us, we were just having sex."

"How was your weekend?"

"Oh, you're the lady Mom is always talking about."

"We're going to have a wonderful evening, I have three tickets to the theatre. They're for your mother, father and little brother."

From the back of the bar Ted heard a voice murmur 'damned no bodies',