Awkward Date Appreciator Pillows

Awkward First Dates

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Are you blushing?!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"I would gladly explain it to you, Allison. But, for your information, it's inexplicable."

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.