Awkward Adolescence Appreciator Gifts

"That growth spurt I was waiting for didn't quite turn out the way I'd hoped."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Sex Education Class: "Smirking or non smirking?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"Put it on my tab."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Don't worry, son.. everyone goes through the awkward teenage years."

Marilyn Manson Fan.

Turtle Blind dates

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

'I get a lot of job offers..'

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Godot Bound And Gagged In A Dark Office

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

'...and bring a friend. If you have one...'

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

Waiting for Dogot

Teddy, do you know why I'm here? Want to, umm, ask me anything? So! That wraps it up! How did your "birds and bees" talk go? I answered all his questions.

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

'It's probably a hormonal thing.'

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

Al, why haven't you ever told me about the birds and the bees? Because I find ornithology and entomology even more embarrassing than sex.

"So, Carol tells me you're a baby."

'He's beginning to notice girls.'