Award Ceremony Comedians Gifts

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Occu-Pie Mars

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Very funny!'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

Football Delivery

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'