Aviation Joker Gifts

'Does anyone here know how to land a Boeing 747?'

Carefree luggage.

Vampire on a plane

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

What really killed the dinsaurs.

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

Wordilly Durdillies - Rotery club

'You imbecile!! Didn't i tell you to watch our altitude?! / A co-pilot accidentally flies too high ending up in heaven and smacking into an angel

"Our flight's been diverted to Frankfurt - but remember, it is better to travel than to arrive."

"So son, this is the no-fly zone I was telling you about: although they are trying to shoot clay pigeons, it is safer to avoid the area altogether..."

'You say that you'd hate to be up there in a plane? I'd hate to be there without one!'

"It means I don’t give a flying fuck."