Avian Storytime Gifts

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

Swan Fairy Tales

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - Alice Climbs Through The Mirror.

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"And what's the story behind the story?"

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Parenting Skills Training

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

"I got my emotional baggage down to a little carry-on."

Noah's Nark.

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

''Open Sesame' would make a great password, wouldn't it?'

Old woman who lives in a shoe with sick children.

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

Wolf snacks vending machine: 3 Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks.

'Couldn't Jack Spratt eat polyunsaturated fat?'

'Wait a minute...You're the enchanted unicorn?'

'Freddie, the Little Merger Mogul, didn't expect to have a monopoly right away...'

"My imaginary friend is sitting there."

'Ark, Noah - not arc!'

How to murder birds

"Mom, what season is it when the leaves fall off the trees and are replaced with plastic bags?"

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"Ancient times? Is that like when my grandmother was young?"

'... and then Peter was Mr. McGregor...'