Auto Repair Professional Gifts

'Well, I think I know why you've been having trouble starting her.'

"When you're done here can you look at my laptop?"

'Ah, there's the problem. I was swearing at the right part, but using the wrong words.'

'These baboons from the local safari park claim they can get us any car part we want for a price.'

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

'In order to fix your engine, it became necessary to break your windows.'

'And that's just an estimate sir!'

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

Mufflers.

'It may be an underestimate, but we guarantee it'll be within an order of magnitude.'

'Not the repair manual. Bring me the book of mechanics' curse words.'

'That estimate Sir, was a brazen lie. The botter truth comes later.'

'This may take more work than we thought.'

Mechanic: 'A grinding sound, eh? Maybe she needs a new paint job.'

'Sorry I'm late. My van broke down and I didn't know how to fix it.'

'There goes the squeak in your brakes, Mrs. Ferguson.'

Your big end has gone

'I'm OK, but the car is in 'intensive care'!'

'It was nothing serious, just bugs in your radiator grill.'

'There's not much I can do if you don't know where your car is.'

"Wow, this bill's a lot less than I thought it would be."

"Now, why don't just sit down and get nice and relaxed before we chat about your estimate?"

"I've done all I can. Take it home and read it The Little Engine That Could."

"Often, it's sullen and withdrawn, and then, suddenly, it becomes hostile and vengeful."

"It's worse than I thought."

Due to rising costs, dumb looks aren't free anymore.

'Your replacement parts cost seven quid, plus two hours labour and VAT makes two hundred quid.' - 'How much?!' - 'Listen, pal. I've got kids to feed.' - 'How much do they eat?' - 'Just one more mouthful, my son. You must grow big and strong so that you ma

'If he goes for the $244.50...tell him there's also a $5 parking bill.'

'Every time one door closes, another one opens. Can you fix it?'

'Goo morning Mr.Williams. This is Doc Wentsworth who will be performing major surgery on your old clunk.'

'Let me guess. Brakes giving you trouble?'

'How long have you been driving this car without a motor?'

'Thanks for putting in a new engine... Pity you forgot to take out the old one.'

"That's no oil, it's my bottle of 1988 Chateau Petrus I spilled while checking your brake lines. That's gonna cost ya!"