Authority Jester Gifts

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

Dog walking Human.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'