Auditing Ace Gifts

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

'They all want to play the star.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Failure/Due Diligence

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Wilkins! Keep your eyes on your own cadaver!'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

The IRS emptied my pouch.

Counting dollars

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

In one ear/Out the other.

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"You can't see a grief counselor just because you got a 'B'."

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

Bookkeeping Club

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

'We've gone through your books and we demand payment in cash.'

Corporate thinking.