Appraisal Ace Gifts

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

"You were employee of the month last month. What have you done lately?"

'They all want to play the star.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Lethal Presentation

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Failure/Due Diligence

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Final words on gravestones.

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"My kid could do that."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"I've had you appraised."

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.