Appraising Gifts

A Real Find

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Bravo!"

Final words on gravestones.

Peacock of Productivity

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"You seem to be balancing your workload well."

"I've had you appraised."

Son, I don't think this was how Whistler painted HIS mother.

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

"It's not that you're a failure. It's that you completely lack the capacity for success."

"Smart Arse"

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"I need you to step up to the Mark."

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'I've read my appraisal and this is my solicitor - I intend to sue you!'

"Frankly, your performance has been spotty."

'I'm giving you a praise. It's not a raise but it will look good on your evaluation.'

'We value you in ways that cannot be expressed in money.'

"What makes you think I've been napping at work?"

'I'm getting mixed signals. First the boss tells me that I never really caught fire around here then he tells me that I suffer from burnout.'

Janice had the feeling her boss didn't like her.

Seminars for Sycophants

Antiques Store with a bin outside with a sign saying 'Not for Sale'.

Valuation of Heaven

"I just love your use of lying"

"It's way too cerebral. What were you thinking?"

'Yes, I know you've been calling here for years trying to get a hold of Mr. Shelton, but he isn't in right now. . . he hasn't returned from his first-ever appraisal!'

'Well done Flipper, you seem to be balancing your workload well.'

"I admire your dogged determination."

'Within the last months, you worked perfectly and I've got nothing to blame you for. Do you hate me for something in particular?'