Audition Ace Gifts

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

'They all want to play the star.'

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Presenter Auditions.

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'