Audition Coach Gifts

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

"Just be yourself."

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

Tom Hanks

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Presenter Auditions.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

Ballet Audition. I think I've just witnessed the pollution of Swan Lake.

Daniel Day Lewis

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"What else have I seen you in?"