Career Audition Gifts

Presenter Auditions.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

Day one, post grad

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Casting Director

Ventriloquist Audition

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

'So, did I get the job?'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen that move - Show me something new! Inflatable air dancer tryouts.

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

She's a natural.

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'