Audition Gifts

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"I've got an audition today. Have you seen my diaphragm?"

"And now I have a few trick questions."

"Try to smile a bit louder."

"Dad, it's only a surveillance camera."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

'So, did I get the job?'

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.