Auditioning For A Show Gifts

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'