Auditioning For A Show Pillows

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Presenter Auditions.

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

Ballet Audition. I think I've just witnessed the pollution of Swan Lake.

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This is a blind audition, right?"

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'