Auditioning Pillows

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Presenter Auditions.

"Any previous experience, Mr. Crusoe?"

'They all want to play the star.'

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"Wow - great chops! We took a vote and want you in the band. All that we need now are three letters of reference and academic transcripts."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Well, this explains everything. You've been bitten by the acting bug!'

'She got the part thanks to her Zumba lessons.'

"That's not the sort of Elvis impersonator I had in mind. . .!"

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'

"I like you kid, but you're really just a work in progress!"