Auditioning For A Band Pillows

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'They all want to play the star.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"Which part are you reading for?"

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!

The Little Drummer Boy.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

Bassoon practice.

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"I've joined an Eminem tribute band."

Flautist

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

She's a natural.

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."