Auditioning For A Role Pillows

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

Swan Lake Auditions

"I'll do the talking!"

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'They all want to play the star.'

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"This is a blind audition, right?"

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

"Your answers sound rehearsed!"

'Well, this explains everything. You've been bitten by the acting bug!'

"I like you kid, but you're really just a work in progress!"

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'

"Don't we thing Arlene would make a perfect Medea?"