Audition Preparation Pillows

Dancer burps in front of the panel.

"Just be yourself."

'They all want to play the star.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Which part are you reading for?"

Presenter Auditions.

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

Casting Director

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

Ventriloquist Audition

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"Clueless, malleable and not a boat-rocker - you'll go far."