Audition Coach Pillows

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

"Just be yourself."

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"Which part are you reading for?"

Tom Hanks

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"What else have I seen you in?"

She's a natural.