Auditioning For A Band Prints

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

Cimafunk

'They all want to play the star.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Presenter Auditions.

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!

The Little Drummer Boy.

One-man band rehearsal.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

Ballet Audition. I think I've just witnessed the pollution of Swan Lake.

Bassoon practice.

"I've joined an Eminem tribute band."

Flautist

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

She's a natural.

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'