Auditioning For A Performance Gifts

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Casting Director

Ventriloquist Audition

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

She's a natural.

"This is a blind audition, right?"

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'