Auditioning For A Performance Gifts

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

Presenter Auditions.

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Casting Director

Ventriloquist Audition

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

Ballet Audition. I think I've just witnessed the pollution of Swan Lake.

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

She's a natural.

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen that move - Show me something new! Inflatable air dancer tryouts.

"This is a blind audition, right?"

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'