Audit Avoider Pillows

"That's the last time we do our own taxes!"

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

'You say you were trying to squirm your way out of an audit?'

'Your refund? — oh, we spent that money MONTHS ago!'

IRS...Please, let's not quibble over a few dollars!

'Before I send in my taxes,I want to know if I'm going to be audited.'

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"Tarzan no want computer."

Sawdust.

Nervous at a party.

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Monster under the bed.

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

'We invested everything we had in our marriage.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I did the laundry while studying. Unfortunately, my mom can't find the lost socks or my missing assignments."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty to tax evasion by reason of math phobia.'