Attending Services Gifts

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

'Does anyone have a light, please?

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

A man accidently sitting in a taken seat.

Devil in the first pew of church.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Sloaney Pony.

Early Piety

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

A man cheers

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

How's my sermon. . .

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"More croutons, sir?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Finger puppets in church.

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

"The Pastor requested that no decaf be served. The congregation is nodding off during service."

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

Church: Open Sundays

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"You've got to blurb me to her."

How's my Sermon . . .