Attending Worship Services Gifts

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Early Piety

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

How's my sermon. . .

R.C.I.A.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

Finger puppets in church.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

Four Chanting Monks

How's my Sermon . . .

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'It helps with reception.'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"The Pastor requested that no decaf be served. The congregation is nodding off during service."

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."