Attending Church Gifts

Service lift.

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'Do you think we may be holding our new Sunday morning services too early?'

Early Piety

"OK, Thomas. This is the last form of i.d. I have."

'Is this like when we tip our waiter?'

St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

"If you're generous when the collection plate is passed around, I'll make my sermon ten minutes shorter than usual."

'It's from my wife poking me in the ribs at church.'

'Why did you drop her in church today?'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'In my haste this morning, I'm afraid that I picked up the wrong piece of paper - so instead of my sermon, I'll give you the recipe for my wife's rock cake...'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'I know that it's the last episode, but there IS a repeat on Tuesday!'

'Something tell me we should have been in church this Sunday.'

"Sorry Judas, we only came up with 29 pieces of silver."

"The actual title of my sermon, Ms. Barns, is 'Are you going to hell?'."

Elisha floats the keys to the borrowed car, after the disciple dropped them in the water.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Crust is Risen! Pizza Nite

"Normally I'm an Episcopalian, but I wouldn't miss this for the world. . ."

Finger puppets in church.

'If I wouldn't have yelled fire, he'd still be talking.'

"They're passing a plate? Great, I'm starved!"

'You sure know how to get under my Dad's skin.'

Vespers were about to get a lot more interesting.

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."

After a long discussion, Rev. Smith went along with the worship service count-down clock but not until after the congregation agreed to the wake-up blast horn!

"These choir robes are so hot, I'm glad I went commando."

'Well, at least they came to church first,'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

don't you think it might be significant that you only hear the ringing in your ears when you're at church?

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."